Satan is Real.

I am sort of at odds with this situation.

We are not out of debt.

Despite gut wrenching sacrifices and work....we are not out of debt.

Despite the fact that I THOUGHT God wanted us out of debt on November 30...we are not out of debt.

Did I imagine that? Am I hearing voices that resemble God's? Could explain a lot if I am.

I am disappointed.

I feel we disappointed a lot of people.

Lot's of things went wrong the last couple of months.

I sort of feel like we had a big attack by Satan and he won.

Are we so weak?

He took me down. Hard.

I feel like I am waking up from a very bad dream.

I have been living in a fog. A bad fog. Thank God the fog is lifting. Slowly. Lifting.

If you read my other blog you know that my health has been compromised the last couple of months. Compromised in a way that made it difficult for me to do simple daily tasks. As I am waking up from my fog I see that my calendar is still on October. That is when life froze for me. I find if very ironic that it is still on October. That's when I found out I was sick. That's when I quit taking the girls to their dance classes that I already PAID for but couldn't muster up the energy to get them dressed and take them. That's the last time I did our envelope system. After almost 18 months of doing it EVERY time we got paid. I couldn't do it. I did balance our checkbook. At least I did that. I am giving myself some credit.

Satan knew exactly where to get us and he got us good. We had many unexpected medical bills and prescriptions to fill. My sleeping pills alone are $50/month. The girls also BOTH got sick and had to go to the doctor and get prescriptions. Mia's allergy medicine was $50 and then we had to get them both antibiotics. Jules got sick again and had to get a stronger anti-biotic that cost $50. THEN we had to fix the Buick whose passenger side window got stuck in the "down" position. THEN we had to fix the Mazda wheel b/c somehow it got bent siting in a parking lot while we were in Chicago. This all happened in one month. The month God told me (so I thought) that we would be out of debt.

I am angry. I am embarrassed. I am sad. I am disappointed. I am hurt. I am confused. I am mad at Dave Ramsey. I am upset that I let Satan get me which affected our whole family. I feel like it is my fault. I want to take a credit card and max it out.

Did God give Satan permission to attack me like he did with Job. If so, I failed. I am not Job. Again, I am not a good test taker. I feel this is unfair. It could be worse. I know. I still have my family all intact and in one piece. Praising God for that. But it still doesn't take away my hurt and confusion and disgust, really, with the fact that we are still in debt.

Could I have done more? What could I have done, God? Why did you give us such passion and grow that passion and reward that passion only to allow it to be ripped from us the last month of our journey. I don't cry much but I can't hold back the tears on this one. I have been through a lot. Levi and I have been through a lot. I should have cable right now! That one is a real pisser.

I thought we would be rejoicing right now. Instead I am hanging my head low. I don't want to talk about it and if you have tried I'm sure you noticed that I skated right around the topic. I don't want to spread the toxins that Satan has puked up all over us. I am Debbie Downer.

I don't want anyone to doubt God. I KNOW He is in complete control. I DON'T understand what went wrong. I feel like I have been physically violated by Satan. I don't think it is coincidence that all of this CRAP happened the very SAME month that God had planned for us to accomplish this unbelievable goal. 30K in 18 months. I thought it was insane too but God continually affirmed our efforts. Were they in vain? It kind of feels like it was. I am a goal person. I set a goal which I thought GOD set for us and we didn't reach it. I don't really care anymore. I don't. I am sorry to spread this negativity but I am not going to lie and if you are attempting what we are attempting you must know that Satan can attack and will. Just don't loose. I lost. I am sorry that I can't write an amazing miracle story. I am sorry that I can't inspire you to do the same right now. I will be able to later. Just not now.

God is awesome. I know that for sure. I know He is in control. I'd just like to know if this is my fault. Did I loose? Really? Did I loose to Satan? Maybe. I sure feel like I did.

I know Satan is looking over my shoulder right now. He is here. He is reading my words. He is happy. He is laughing. He is planning his next attack.

Satan, since I know your reading this right now. Screw you. I am feeling a lot better now and your nasty toxic fog is fading. Your hold on me is slipping. You know I have distanced myself from God because of all this. Well, no more. No more of this. I am going back to him. He never left me but you led me astray. You tricked me. You made me sick and took away my desires for everything that was good in my life. Flee from me Satan. Flee from my family.

This is how we do it. Phase II.

My intent in writing how we do things is not to teach you the Dave Ramsey way of life. Just give you a glimpse into his method. I, of course, hope to inspire and excite you into pursuing a debt free life but in no way want anyone to think that my way is "THE way."

My favorite and life changing thing that I learned during FPU (Financial Peace University) is the "zero based budget." I have been balancing the checkbook forever and when I started doing this I thought to myself.....why on earth have I NOT been doing this. I felt sort of stupid. Naive. Irritated at all the money that slipped through the cracks on things that, well, I don't know what. Junk.

Getting started was a daunting task. To tell you the truth I sort of went on a spending spree right before we went to FPU. That's the thing to do. Let's get even more into debt so that we can make it even harder on ourselves right from the start! It's kind of like going on a diet. You say your going to go on a diet on Monday so what do you do? You eat buffet style the weekend prior b/c you know what is to come. Restriction.

That is the most overused term in regards to a budget. It is not restrictive if done properly. It is freedom.

We wrote down what categories (which would soon become either envelopes or savings accounts) that needed to be filled each month. Here's the kicker. Even if there was no money to put in it we still wrote it down. Your brain will not like this at all. It is necessary though. You have to train your brain to think on those things that you don't have money for yet. That way, when you get a raise you will get SO excited b/c you can begin to properly fill that category that has been left unfunded for so long.

After we figured out our categories and set up our budget this is what we do.....we get paid....we pay each bill, fill each envelope or savings account, anything that's left over (that means ANY AND EVERYTHING) has to be assigned to something. In our case it's debt. All of our left overs gets paid to our debt on the day we get paid. Does that mean that your checking account will be zero? Yes. And that did freak me out at first. The good thing is I have my emergency fund in place and that will spill over to cover anything that might come up that we weren't expecting. It is a weird concept but you know what? If it ain't there and you both know it isn't, then it's not going to get spent on all the stupid crap that we spend our overflow on every month.

My second favorite part of Dave's method is the "blow money" category. Levi and I have decided on an amount that we each get every month for ourselves and we get to spend it however we want....no questions asked. Period. It's not an excessive amount but it's jut enough to where we feel freedom and not restriction from our budget. This is one of the most important things to make your budget work and your spouse happy. There is always a "free spirit" and they need this. Bad. Or there will be resistance all the way down the road.

I am a little anxious in thinking about the next month and half. And, by the way, we have only eaten out as a family at Chili's once and Taco Bueno once in two months. So, that's about $30 total on restaurants. I'm pretty proud of that. The girls and I had a play group at Chicken Red's and split a $7 plate and that came out of my blow money so that doesn't count.

I feel like I'm looking in to a big black cast iron pot and it's whirling around. Steaming. Bubbling. I look into it not knowing what all is going into it. Not knowing what the end product will be. Will it be that we don't reach our goal and have to use our story as one of endurance and not giving up even when things don't go our way? Will it be that God is pouring tiny miracles into the pot in order to make one big, massive, explosive miracle right at the very end? I hope so.

Alice in Wonderland. That's what I'm thinking of right now. Open doors. Some big. Some little. But open none the less. I prayed for open doors. Another one opened this week. I probably have a part time job starting in a week at Mia's school. I wouldn't make loads of money but it's an open door. What other door will God open? Is it right for me to just sit here and expect him to keep opening doors. Yes. I am not asking God to send me a check. I am pleading with him to give us the means to pay all of our debt off by November 30th.

Levi is working so hard I can't even begin to explain. Some think it's too much. To them I say, we know what's best for our family and are prayerfully seeking God's direction. God has blessed us beyond what we could have ever fathomed and to me, that's confirmation that we are doing the right thing. HIS confirmation is the only one we need. I don't need anyone else to approve of what we are doing as long as HE approves.

You know what makes me most happy about this post? I didn't have a typing war with the spell checker on how to spell anything. That is the true miracle here folks. It really is.

Updates and More.

I don't even know where to start on this post. So much to say. So many feelings.

By the looks of it we will not be out of debt on November 30th based on what WE can do.

We have hit a few road blocks again but that's just life.

It doesn't affect me like it use to.

It's just life. Things happen. Go on.

We had to pay two debts we forgot about. A loan from CMA due to pay schedule changes from a while back and a recurring balance on his business-only credit card. We don't know why there was a recurring balance b/c he expenses everything he should and all expense checks go directly toward that card. Who knows? Bottom line is we want to be 100% out of debt so those things had to be paid.

Despite our setbacks we praise God that for 1 year and 4 months we have been able to pay for everything that came our way out of our wee little starter emergency fund. We haven't used a credit card since May '06 except for business expenses which get paid back to us.

This includes car mishaps, Dr. visits, medicine, this, that, life, A CAR....etc.

Praise God for that.

On top of all the life stuff that came up we STILL have thus far paid off about 25k in debt.

This is really big considering we have ONE income and TWO children.

God obviously is showing himself to us through this process.

We have always tithed. Fortunately I was raised by parents who taught me this important principal so it comes easily for me.

Levi is right there with me on this one. We know that if we had not been tithing all this time that we would NOT have made such amazing progress.

I've been praying for God to open doors for us so that we can meet the goal that I know he set for us.

Funny enough, a contest came up at CMA where the winner could potentially win $1,000! This would obviously help us out. And the best part of it is, if Levi wins, he will be physically fit and in better shape than he's been since we got married. Heck, even if he doesn't win he will STILL be in better shape than he's been since we got married and that will be a big burden lifted off of him...literally!

Will he win? I don't know. There are lots of people that could use the money, not just us, and lots of people that are working very hard to win. My point is that God can open doors but they might not have an "easy button" behind them.

Another door opened would be a babysitting job for me. We decided that Mia really needed to go to pre-school and I considered getting a part-time job to pay for her enrollment but God didn't want me to have a job. He did however provide me with two weeks this summer of babysitting that paid for 1 month of tuition and 3 weeks of babysitting this month to pay for another month and a half of tuition.

God will take care of us. God will take care of you. His plan is bigger and better. Just sit back and obey.

There have been times where we got so off track I dreaded getting back on. It's so easy to quit when you get "off track" with anything. Working out, getting out of debt, eating right....it's the same concept. Getting off track is one of the biggest saboteurs of all of these things. I have not had that problem. Even if we get WAY off track I tell myself just to get back on and it will all get better. And it does. What's funny is everyone's definition for "off-track" is different. For me, it's like two days of not doing what I should be whatever that may be. For Levi I'd say it's more like two weeks b/c he's just more easy going than me. Either way, I don't listen to myself anymore. I just start again. Start over. Start over again.

That's just how we've done it. We haven't given up no matter what our mind, emotions, hearts, or people tell us. We keep going. Trudging forward even when there may not be light at the end of the tunnel.

Who knows, there may be no light at the end of the tunnel b/c that's where God put my house that I want SO BADLY.

This is how we do it. Phase 1.

Do you know what makes me feel really good?

Balancing my checkbook, paying my bills, and getting cash out of the bank.

These things bring me peace.

I am not trying to be funny although most of the time that's all I'm trying to be (Levi would emphasize TRYING).

I am here to tell you that having your finances in order is just bliss.

It matters not how much money you have or make.

Just manage what you've been given and you will feel like you've been to the spa.

If you are not the money person in your home then you may not relate to this but I most certainly do.

I "do the books" as they say and so this is just something that I really relate too.

Having your finances all crazy can just get you so down.

It is such a burden on me when I have not balanced my checkbook, made sure my bills are all paid and forget to get our cash out of the bank (we use envelopes so this is VERY important for our budget).

I also like to make sure my wallet and purse are neat and tidy. You will manage your money better with a neat a tidy wallet. I would almost bet that if your purse is a mess and your wallet is sneezing receipts then you and your finances are not in harmony.

I use the Dave Ramsey wallet b/c it has envelopes and that is what I need. We are going for function not fashion but I will say that the weird tan colored part of the front of the wallet is just paper....it looks like that's just how the front of the wallet is but when it came in I was so glad that it was just part of the packaging.

Anyway.....

Some things you can do to immediately relieve yourself from some stress and tension are:

balance your checkbook
clean out your purse and wallet
make sure all your bills are paid and set them up on automatic withdrawal if you can
pick one thing to get cash out for next month and see how it works for you

I am telling you this is important for your health and your marriage. Get organized. Now.

eBay saved the day.

I got an e-mail the other day from a bride-to-be who is having Mia be her flower girl. She sent me a few pictures of some pretty little froo froo dresses that she was considering.

The least expensive one was $115.00. Gulp, cough, choke.

The most expensive one was $160.00....laughing hysterically.

Lucky for me this bride is so very nice and has given me some wiggle room on the whole situation.

I found this little number on eBay and paid a total of $25.00.

The dress retailed for over $100.

Do not underestimate the power of bargain shopping, eBay, and God's care for the little things in our lives.

He is like our support system through all of this.

When something comes our way he slaps it out of the way like the beaters do the bludgers in Quiditch. (That reference was just for Levi b/c he thinks I'm a big geek for making any sort of Harry Potter reference)

I have a Confession.

Levi doesn't know this.

He may not ever know it b/c he doesn't check this blog.

It's about our 88 Buick.

I confessed it to a new friend, Erin, the other day.

I drove it to 24 hour fitness about 3 months ago b/c I had an appointment to purchase a membership there.

I did all the paperwork and chit chatted with the salesperson who tried to sell me $80 per hour personal training sessions....no thank you.

This is so sad.

I was walking out with my girls in tow.

I am a few feet from my car when I notice.....

the same salesperson was leaving for his lunch break at the same time.

I do not know what in the world possessed me to do this.

I snatched up Jules and began walking (dragging Mia) to Hobby Lobby.

I waited in the lobby until he was gone.

Then I RAN to the car and practically drove off with Mia half buckled.

Again, I do not know what got into me.

I am no longer embarrassed of our hoopty (I had to look up how to spell that in the Urban Online Dictionary......funny).

It is so comfortable.

It is so big and the air conditioner gets so cold it's like being in a car-hotel.

We paid a whopping $800 for it.

It only had 75,000 miles on it.

And here is the best part.

It came with an ice scrapper that has a fleece lined hand muff attached to it and some clip on sunglasses.

And as you've probably guessed it did belong to a grandma...Levi's grandma to be exact.

The only trips it ever made was to WalMart, the hair salon, and the Dr.'s office.

We LOVE our new car.

I really don't want to get rid of it even we have the resources to replace it.

I think we will save it for Mia.

By the time she's 16 she will hate me anyway so this will be totally appropriate.

One week down.

We actually managed to go one week without going out to eat. This is pretty big considering where we live.

It takes from 20-45 minutes to get anywhere in Fort Worth. It is the most spread out place ever.

I drive through Fort Worth, North Richland Hills, Hurst, Euless, and Bedford on my way to the gym.

But really in my head it's all Fort Worth.

Because of this we have to pack our lunches OFTEN.

I really don' t like sandwiches but at this point I'm eating for survival not for pleasure.

I need strength....I eat a sandwich....I've got strength.

The girls think it's the coolest thing ever to have picnics everywhere we go.

Please don't think we are the poor Swinney's who can't afford to eat out.

That's not true.

We have chosen to focus all of our attention to getting out of debt and have JOINTLY decided that for the next three months all of our extra income MUST be used for this purpose......getting out of debt.

We usually want to go out to eat when schedules are hectic, we are dog tired, the house is a wreck and we just don't want to look at it (denial and avoidance...sad but true), or we just start thinking about the divine Chicken Marsala at Carrabba's so much that we are suddenly there stuffing our faces with no recollection of how we even got there. Then, we get the check and have the worst case of eaters regret.

Sometimes you just have to shove everything off the kitchen table into a laundry basket, sit everyone down, and just eat what you've got. Afterwards you will feel like you've won a battle. If you don't want to cook. Fine. Have cereal night.

What? Not good enough for dinner? You eat it for breakfast and that's the most important meal of the day. Case closed. Save yourself $30.00 and pass the Lucky Charms.

I had a talk with my face.

I had a talk with my face the other day.

I had some bad news.

I was just about out of my "Arbonne Intelligence--not so basic--Daily Moisturizing Cream, Day & Night."

I would not be able to buy any more for a while.

I told this to my face and it was not happy.

It remembers the days of Suave.

I asked it to please not break out on me when I use that STUFF on my face in a couple of days.

I also requested that it not be bitter and begin to wrinkle because of this traumatic change in product.

My face and I do believe that the expensive products are better.

I don't care what the "study's show"......$4.99 moisturizer falls under the category of $4.99 breast implants.

It's just a red flag.

That's all I'm saying.

My hand began to shake as I picked up a pen to write "moisturizer" on my WAL-MART shopping list.

Wal-Mart.

Moisturizer.

I think I'm going to faint.

Here's where the story turns good.

I went to Lexi's house last night for some hot-dogs and some fun.

Who would have thought she would be the one to save my face from the destiny that was before it.

I made mention of my sad soon to be chaffed face situation and guess what she said.

"Wait, what kind of moisturizer do you use? Arbonne Intelligence?"

I say yes and sort of stare with my mouth open wide waiting in anticipation at what might come next.

Is it possible that she has some and is going to GIVE it to me?

"I think I have some of that and I don't like it so you can have it if you want."

My face did a flip.

She SO busted out a bottle of the "Arbonne Intelligence Daily Moisturizing Cream, Day & Night" and put it in my hand.

Lexi, you literally saved my face. I owe you.

Now to be perfectly serious. I do not think on this as luck or a coincidence. God shows us daily that HE is taking care of us. He obviously has a sense of humor in providing me with this moisturizer but isn't it neat to see God care about us as individuals. The following scriptures are what popped into my head when this happened......God is good.

Do Not Worry: Matthew 6

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life^[b]?

28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Day 1 of Money Hell.

It has come down to the wire. We have a scheduled date of November 30th to be 100% out of debt. We will hence forth be Amish. Levi already looks the part and his name fits quite well too.

No out to eat....zilch. No movies. No ice-cream outings. No beef. Maybe no chicken. We may even have to use our dish soap for body wash. But the funny thing is....we don't care! We are so excited we would wear holey underwear and eat peanut butter straight out of the jar every day b/c we know what lies ahead. Freedom.

If we did not have a goal and a plan for our money then going without the above things would depress us. We would sulk and be bitter and hate YOU if you did any of those things and we couldn't. Life wouldn't be fair. I would complain about how we can never get ahead. Something always goes wrong. Levi has to work too much. Gloom would loom over our family and it would reflect in our faces and our attitudes. Our children would sense it. We would be irritable. Money is powerful whether you have it or you don't.

Although for the next 3 months we will not be eating out it is amazing to me how much MORE fun it is to go out to eat when I have cash already set aside for that specific purpose. Before our financial overhaul we would go out to eat and feel a little guilty...a little stressed....a little uncomfortable....because we weren't sure whether we had the money to be sitting there or not. Sometimes we KNEW we didn't need to be there so we pulled out the plastic.

We don't feel that way anymore. If we are at a restaurant you can rest assured that we planned to be there and we have the money for it. No more guilt. The food tastes better. We are more relaxed. The kids can tell we are having more fun so they have more fun. It is a completely different experience.

We no longer feel deprived or feel sorry for ourselves when we can't do something. We tell our money what to do, where to go, and how to get there. If we don't go out to eat it's because we know we filled our car maintenance fund so that in 6 months when our registration is due we will be prepared. If we don't get to buy that purse from Banana Republic that is like 75% off right now...sniff...sniff....then we know it's because the clothing fund will still have money in it when it's time to buy the kids winter clothes.

It's all about perspective. We will have a great story to tell and laugh back on. What good is it to live your life always being comfortable and never being able to say that you walked in the snow 10 miles uphill with no shoes on just to get to school.

Most of young families in America want RIGHT NOW to live the lifestyle it took their parents 25 years to attain. Getting what you want when you want it no matter what the cost (or means of how you pay for it) is childish. Delayed gratification is maturity according to Dave.

Here is a good example of delayed gratification:

I needed a poster sized white wooden picture frame. If you don't know.....any wooden picture frame bigger than 8x10 is pricey. I had a little cash so I went to Aaron Brothers who was running their penny sale. I found one. It was on clearance. Only problem is I was a few dollars short. I had it on the counter to purchase and decided that I was being childish. I wanted it RIGHT THEN. I walked out empty handed. I was sad for a little while. I think I dreamed about it too. But then I was fine.

Two weeks later I went back in for old times sake and lo and behold it was still there. The price was still the same though. But I decided I would try to bargain with them b/c it looked like it had been there for a while and it was a little scratched. I simply said "Excuse me, but this frame has been here a while and the price is still the same. Do you know why it hasn't been marked down again like the rest of the frames?" She did a price check and by George! it was marked wrong! $7.32 ladies and gentleman. That is what you call reaping the benefits of delayed gratification.

Join us PLEASE! When you are down b/c there is no money...think about the Amish Swinneys...we are right there with ya. Everything is going to be alright! We don't have a house. We have an 88 Buick. We have no cable. For a very long time we had no cell phone until Levi's work provided him with one. God is good.

Be Amish with us.

We aren't scary like the Duggers (I know they aren't Amish but still).